you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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