I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
