Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
