dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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