i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
