Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
