I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
