It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
