the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I could make wine with my vomit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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