my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
