And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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