no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
