there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
