i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
