just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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