Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a beard to bite.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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