Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
