you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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