It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
should my penis look like a turkey
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
