Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
