Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
