You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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