you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
