cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
