oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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