How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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