then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
