And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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