My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
