The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
