Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
where am i from again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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