peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
