did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
