The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
