Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
