Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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