Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
