Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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