We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
