Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
