Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
