it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
