when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
