My room smells like vodka and shame
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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