Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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