and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just invented taco cereal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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