i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
