he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
two words...techno handjob
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
