why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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