My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
